Meet Kate Engler, the couples and sex therapist writing a book on Gen X relationships

I’m 48, currently living in Evanston, Illinois, with hopes of moving overseas one day. I’m a licensed couples and sex therapist in private practice and work primarily with Gen X couples. I’m also a Fair Play Method facilitator. (Fair Play helps couples and families divide domestic and emotional labor in an equitable way.) I teach workshops and write about relationships, and I am a total research nerd. I love nothing more than to challenge the status quo, especially around gender issues.

I live with my husband, two teenagers, and my wonderful dog, Buck. I love to travel but also relish time on my front porch with a cup of coffee. I am equally happy curled up with a great fiction book or trying new restaurants with my friends and family. I am an obsessive podcast listener and loud car singer. I do not get nearly enough quiet time in nature as I’d like, but thankfully I live near Lake Michigan so I can get some good doses of it when I walk along the path — which I do several times a week. 

I’m in the midst of:

• Finishing my book about Gen X relationships
  It discusses how the unrealized dream of egalitarian marriage impacted our generation in a very specific way, and how it has resulted in a unique type of misery in our intimate relationships. After years of trying to sort out my own relationship “stuff” and then hearing the same things over and over from other Gen X couples, I set out on researching the “why” of it all. When I kept coming up empty-handed, my friend suggested I write about it, so I am!
• Getting back into sauna and taking dips in the cold lake
  During the pandemic I started doing cold swims with a friend. Then another friend started a mobile sauna business. (It’s amazing!) He plants himself at the lake a couple of mornings a week and we go back and forth. The days I do it are significantly better than those I don’t. I fell out of this practice a few months ago and am anxious to get back into it.

The best thing about being 48:

Caring less — in a good way — about what other people think and more confident in doing what works for me. Earlier this year I spent two months alone in Spain. It was originally supposed to be a family thing, but no one wanted to go. I was sick of trying to drag them along and of foregoing my dream because someone else wasn’t on board. It was one of the best things I have ever done.

My Grown-Ass Lady heroes:

Esther Perel, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Isabelle Allende, and my mom

What’s next:

Find someone to publish my book and explore new outlets for talking about the Gen X relationships. I’m also working on getting certified as a Pilates instructor. 

Follow me here: 

My website: Three Points Relationships (you can sign up for my newsletter and read the blog post that launched the book)

Instagram @threepointsrelationships

Facebook: facebook.com/threepointsrelationships

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This article was originally published here on The Midst Substack.