Black Lives Matter, Biracial Identity, and the Feeling of Jeopardy That Comes With Deep Systemic Change in a Divided World

June 3, 2020

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Black Lives Matter, biracial identity, and the feeling of jeopardy that comes with systemic change

You’re probably feeling a jumble of emotions right now: anger, fear, confusion. Maybe you’re thinking, “What should I do now?” or “How can I help?”

We’re right there with you.

Over the weekend, I tried to pull back tears while reading about peaceful protests turning violent. I couldn’t stop crying until I talked about what was top of mind. My husband, Martin, and I sat down with Lydia, our 5-year-old, for a talk we’ve had before and needed to have again.

“You know that you’re mixed race, right? You’re part white, and you’re also black, Hispanic, and Asian,” I said. That led to “Black people and other people of color are not always treated well, and that is not right” and “We’re going to keep talking with you about this as you grow up.” Lydia nodded her head, and I felt better knowing that she’s starting to get it. I will continually have this conversation until Lydia can confidently explain that she is biracial.

**Martin and I got hitched at Bergen Street Comics in Brooklyn. That’s his mother, cousin, and second cousin on the right. That’s my dad, mom, and sister on the left.**

Martin was born in Brooklyn, an American son to his Black Cuban mother and his Puerto Rican father, who never spoke English. I’m the daughter of my mother, born in a tenement in Glasgow, Scotland, and my father, who started life very poor on a farm in an immigrant community in Oklahoma. My sister and I are the first women in our family to graduate from college and grow up middle class.

And, so, my daughters are modern Americans. Our girls don’t know it yet, but they represent a long line of overcoming adversity, from slavery and oppression to freedom and leadership, from poverty and immigration to college educations, from sexism to feminism. Our families have come so far, but my daughters still have farther to go.

Introducing Candice Nobles, co-founder of Jumble & Flow

Over the weekend, I worked on better defining Jumble & Flow’s mission statement and values with Candice Nobles, a former tech executive who’s carefully reinventing her career on her terms. I’m honored to announce that Candice is stepping up as a cofounding business leader for Jumble & Flow. As Candice sees it, taking time to get clear about your business values early on will help steer our path forward.

**Candice celebrating her dad’s birthday in San Francisco.**

On Monday, Candice and I emailed back and forth with Khaleelah Jones, our new London-based social media manager, about our content to support the Black Lives Matter movement.

Khaleelah Jones wedding photo — Meet Khaleelah Jones, Jumble & Flow’s new social media manager. This is a photo of her wedding in November 2019. On her personal Instagram, Khaleelah posted about racism, microaggression, and being a woman of color: “When I was in first grade I remember taking my first standardised test. On the cover sheet it asked my race, with two binary options: white or black. I asked my teacher what to do, and she was uncomfortable. Later on, in middle school, kids teased me for “talking white” or “not acting black,” and I was (and still am) confused about how a person can speak or act a colour. In one of my first meetings with a client, I was asked if, and I quote, if I had a “Jamaican mother.” Just recently, a stranger who attended one of my talks told me she was impressed that someone “like me” has come “so far.” I’ve been asked “what” I am more times than I can count. Microaggressions are everywhere for people of colour, from the forms we fill out to the daily conversations we have, even with friends and colleagues. It is EVERYONE’S duty to call these out, question people’s logic and acknowledge where we can individually and collectively do better when it comes to racism, stereotyping, assumptions and hatred, because these may seem meaningless in the moment but often add up to bigger problems and systemic injustices.”

Here’s a slice of Candice’s email on Monday, June 1:

I’m having one of those falling-apart days. I can’t stop crying. I will let it out and piece myself back together. I have a lot of emotions about everything. I’m having a hard time. Most of my friends are white, and being the Black friend is hard in this moment. I think people mean well by calling to check in, but it’s too much for me.
What I’m trying to say is I love that you’re telling your story, and it would be great if there was other content that didn’t re-traumatize people. We need to push the conversation forward and show people living a non-racist life.

And that’s exactly what we intend to do. We will move the Black Lives Matter conversation forward. Equality and diversity were already core values for Jumble & Flow, but we have so much more work to do.

Black Lives Matter in 2020: Saying ‘it’s a complicated time’ is an understatement

We don’t know what’s going to happen next. No one does. “People like us, who think and live a bit differently, are afraid that what we’ve built is in jeopardy,” Candice says. That feeling of jeopardy comes with the territory of attempting to make deep systemic change in a divided world. But that fear and anger will drive us forward.

We’re a collective beautiful mess at Jumble & Flow. We have feelings that we’re not quite sure what to do with, but we’ll do all we can to steer them into positive change for all people, middle-aged women included. One of the primary messages our team wants to spread right now is the importance of listening to people of color — really listening to what they’re saying. If you don’t understand the deep-rooted pain and anger they’re feeling, learn. You don’t have to be “perfect” or have all the answers.

Jumble & Flow is a growing collective of strong-minded women who are laying the groundwork for a future that’s brighter, definitely, but also guaranteed to be complicated and full of unknowns. And you know what? That’s what change feels like. Change is uncomfortable. It’s itchy-scratchy, awkward, and keeps you up at night. This is what it feels like when shit gets real on the brink of systemic change — at least, I hope change is coming.

As we build this business from the ground up, we’ll redefine life for women in their prime and our generation, women currently in their 40s and 50s. We’re raising and influencing the future generation, and we’re laying the groundwork for Millennials, who we hope will benefit from our activism.