The Let Them Theory is making me a badass

I’m a little late to the Mel Robbins party, but after reading her book The Let Them Theory, I’ve got to share the highlights in my usual round-up fashion.

The Let Them Theory has helped me prioritize what’s most important, reduce negative thoughts, and take action on the million things on my never-ending “Really Want To-Do List.” The Let Them Theory isn’t exactly a novel idea — it’s a refreshing packaging of common sense. In fact, Robbins talks openly about how her theory aligns with aspects of established psychological theories like the locus of control theory, Buddhist principles, and attachment theory. The Let Them Theory also shares elements with Transactional Analysis, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).

I think of The Let Them Theory as a proactive, no-bullshit mindset shift that the majority of we beautifully messy “normal” (read: emotional, overthinking) people can benefit from. Let’s dig in.

What is the Let Them Theory?

Let Them is a philosophy or way of thinking in which you “allow” people to think whatever they want. When you let people do whatever it is that they want to do, it creates more control and emotional peace for you and a better relationship with the people in your life. Believers of the Let Them Theory set themselves free from the exhausting cycle of trying to manage everything and everyone around them.

It’s a simple idea when you think about it, but the process of letting go of the control you do not have over other people’s opinions is a game-changing stress reliever. Sometimes, the most profound changes in life come from the simplest acts, right?

Already today, I’ve applied Let Them to “let the traffic jam take its time,” “let my backyard be flooded by a broken sprinkler system while I wait for the repairperson to come,” and “let my daughter be frustrated with waking up early on a Friday.” I know, sounds kinda quirky, but really: I cannot control traffic, a broken sprinkler system, nor my daughter’s emotions.

To be clear, letting go isn’t about ignoring what’s right in front of our face. It’s about acknowledging and moving forward. This distinction is vital because it ensures that we don’t suppress our feelings, which can lead to more emotional turmoil.

The Let Them Theory Tactics

The 5-Second Rule 

(Not to be confused with the 10-second rule of picking food up off the floor.)

When you have an urge to act on something, count down from 5 to 1 and then immediately take the action, before you have a chance to overthink and talk yourself out of it. This helps overcome the hesitation and procrastination that hold you back and lead to rumination and inaction. By counting down and making a conscious decision to release negative thoughts, you can shift your focus toward positive outcomes.

Focus on Action

You are not going to win if you keep telling yourself to wait, and that the more often that you choose courage, the more likely you’ll succeed.

Find Your “One Thing”

Identify what truly excites you and dedicate your time and energy to exploring and pursuing that passion.

Don’t Let Bad Mornings Define Your Day
If you have a bad morning, don’t let it ruin the rest of your day. Find one thing to improve and set an “if-then” statement to ensure it gets done.

Embrace Self-Care
Prioritize your well-being and learn to love yourself, as you are the only person who can truly love you. 

Don’t Shy Away From Jealousy
Instead of suppressing jealousy, use it as a signal to understand what you truly desire and what you want to achieve.

Stop, Breathe, Be
When you feel overwhelmed or anxious, take a moment to stop, breathe deeply, and be present in the moment.

Recognize the Power of Positive Reinforcement
Add positive activities to your life to combat negativity and boost your energy.

Don’t Regret Decisions

Whatever decision you make, live with it, accept it, and adapt.

Protect Your Energy
Don’t let the world steal your joy, time, energy, or attention.

Find Meaning
Make sure you are doing something that matters to you, not just what others want you to do. 

Who is Mel Robbins?

Mel Robbins is the host of The Mel Robbins Podcast, one of the most successful podcasts in the world, and a #1 New York Times bestselling author. Now 55, she has 28 million followers online and is one of the most respected experts in mindset, life improvement, and behavior change. 

I love a good “failure to success story” and Mel Robbins definitely has one. In her book, she writes, that at age 41, she was $800,000 in debt, unemployed, and watched her husband’s restaurant business crumble. She felt like she’d failed at life with no hope of escaping the debt. To deal with the anxiety and self-doubt, her “main straetgy” was avoidance. But you know how that goes. Every morning, she writes, she’d wake up anxious thinking, “Is this really what’s it’s going to look like for the rest of my life?”

Then as Robbins tells it, a thought popped to mind that changed her life: “What if I counted backward like a rocket taking off: 5-4-3-2-1 and got out of bed?” That worked, so she started applying the Five-Second Rule to every area of her life and started making huge progress.

Some of my favorite slices of wisdom from The Let Them Theory

In Mel Robbins’ words:

“Right now you move through life with other people’s opinions as your road map. You take the left or right turn based on what you anticipate other people might think or say rather than making the turn you want to make. When you navigate your life trying to predict what people are going to think and say about you, you give your power away.”

“You are capable of creating anything you want if you are willing to put the time and energy into working for it.

“You currently allow your fear of other people’s opinions to control you. The Let Them Theory teaches you how to stop giving other people’s opinions power over your life; and it empowers you to live your life in a way that makes you proud of yourself.

1. Problem: You are giving other people’s opinions too much power. When you let the fear of what people might think dictate your choices, you limit your potential and hold yourself back from pursuing what you truly want. This fear causes you to procrastinate, double yourself, become paralyzed by perfectionism, and, most importantly, give up on your dreams.
2. Truth: People will have negative opinions about you no matter what you do. It will happen. Let Them. You can’t control it. Allowing someone else’s opinion to distract or consume you is a waste of your time and energy.
3. Solution. When you Let Them think what they want, it gives you the freedom to do what you want. When you align your thoughts and actions with your values, you will be proud of yourself. And when you are proud of yourself, you won’t care what anyone else thinks.”

Right now the only things that are holding you back from taking control of your life are excuses, fears, and emotions. This is where you go from trying to control what everyone else thinks, feels, and does, and you take your time and energy and use it to create the best chapter of your life. — Mel Robbins